5 Simple Steps to Find Lifelong Friends
The creeping advance of technology into every facet of our daily lives has permanently changed the way we live. And it shows no sign of holding up.
What hasn’t changed, however, is the human connection each one of us craves. While some take solace in being alone, our needs as humans still consist of external interaction and connection. It may seem like technology is keeping us together, but the truth is it’s isolating us more than ever before. Finding lifelong friends isn’t as easy as it used to be.
Feeling understood validates your feelings and emotions on your journey through life, and it’s crucial for proper social development. Without this, you feel lonely and ostracized. To be precise, your most consuming need is the need to feel understood!
Making friends is hard, I know. I used to be an outcast throughout high school because I couldn’t find anyone who understood me. Only by having similar values can a lifelong bond of friendship be formed. Today, I have a strong, stable friend group that others envy. Once you locate your people, you experience the deep and rewarding feeling of having a friends.
The following will act as a guide to finding lifelong friends.
Find People with Similar Interests
Maybe you’re interested in an activity, but don’t have a friend to accompany you. Don’t let that discourage you- it’s the reason you SHOULD go! No matter what your interests are, there is surely a group out there somewhere that has those shared interests. You never know who you may meet or what might happen when you leave your comfort zone.
There are many sites out there that post social group contact information. There’s plenty of websites and online social groups looking for more members. Meetup and the YMCA are both great places to start!
Joining a group with shared interests makes it much easier to interact with like-minded people. A great way to break the ice is to talk about why you joined the group in the first place! Perhaps you’re new to the area and decide to join a hiking group. You could share you want someone to show you the ropes on new trails, that you’re starting a fitness journey and need a support group, or that you simply want to make new friends!
Don't forget to be social!
It can also help to set goals when starting out in a new group. Start small and set a goal to meet at least two new people at the next group gathering!
It’s OK if you aren’t a smooth talker at the beginning. When you talk to someone about what you know or may be interested in, the conversation just flows without you even having to think. You become so engaged in the conversation that you forget any uneasiness or anticipation you might’ve felt in the beginning!
To build a friendship, ask questions related to the conversation to demonstrate you’re actively listening. Make sure you’re not just thinking about what you’re going to say next- actually listen! If you go on and on about yourself, you won’t get a chance to learn more about the people you’re supposed to be befriending!
Don’t be discouraged if it didn’t feel like you clicked with anyone on the first try. If everyone found their best friend the first time they tried something new, this post would be unnecessary. After all, personal development happens when you try, fail, and get back on your feet again!
Be Physically Available
Part of exploring new relationships is spending time with the people you just met. If a new friend asks you to hang out, go! If you don’t spend time with them in the beginning, it may be hard to gain momentum again later. Sometimes you can get “too comfortable” and don’t feel like exerting any effort into human interaction. Time to yourself is important- just make sure you aren’t muddying the line between Me-Time and being lazy.
Use your time as an investment in your new friends. The more you spend time with people, the more you get to know them. If you’re on the fence whether or not you should spend time with someone else, ask yourself if you think it’s worth spending a couple hours with this person in return for the possibility of a fulfilling friendship. Chances are, you should go hang out.
If you find yourself busy at the time your new friend asks to hang out, don’t ignore them or give a passive answer. Remember: they didn’t have to reach out to you. They thought of you and wanted you to have fun with him, so answer accordingly. The kindest thing you can do is acknowledge their offer and express your genuine interest for future plans.
An example of one of these conversations may look like this:
Friend: “Hey man I hope you’re doing well since I saw you last! Some friends and I are going rock climbing this weekend. If you’re free you should come with us!”
Gage: “Hey Friend! I’d love to come, but I’ll be with family this weekend. Definitely let me know when you plan on going next time, and I’ll make sure I’m free!”
Friend: “It’s no problem! We’re actually going on a camping trip in a couple weeks. Let me know if you’re interested and we can figure out car-pooling.”
Gage: “That sounds like fun, count me in!”
If you find yourself constantly busy, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your priorities. After all, you’re reading this post because you’re wondering how to find lifelong friends, right? Your friend won’t continue to ask you to hang out if he always gets an “I’m busy” response from you.
If you have a busy schedule, ask your friend if they’d want to have something planned every week, such as meeting up for lunch on Wednesdays, or getting together for shared hobbies on Saturday evenings.
Having friends means being physically available to invest time in having fun with them.
Be Emotionally Available
After spending time with your new friend, it’s inevitable that you’ll come across some touchy or “taboo” subjects– just tread lightly.
Your friend is opening up to you because they’re beginning to trust you with information not everyone knows about them. As a new friend, it’s important to show compassion and understanding. It’s not always easy to demonstrate your inner feelings to someone you aren’t best friends with, so give them some slack.
Emotions are rooted in a person’s innermost beliefs. These interactions will give you clues as to what your friend believes deep down in their heart. If you find yourself aligning with your friends values, you could be on the path to a rewarding, lifelong relationship.
This doesn’t mean that you should stand idle while your friend dumps their life story onto you. Engage in the conversation! Ask questions, offer insight, describe how you would feel if you were put in their position. Consequently, share a part of your life that you want your friend to know about! Get to truly know this person. Communicating your personal beliefs and values to your friend will push the relationship to higher levels of understanding and appreciation.
Show Your Quirks
Who wants to hang out with someone uninteresting? Certainly not me.
Everyone has their own quirks. So don’t be afraid to show them off! By revealing more of yourself, you demonstrate your comfortability with that person. And who knows, your friend might be even weirder!
Being yourself is one of the best ways to be interesting. No one person is the same, and you can use your uniqueness to your benefit. Don’t try to act like someone you aren’t, because sooner or later people will pick up on your fakeness. Besides, why be someone else when you can be you?
It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out that people more comfortable around each other have more fun. Nobody is perfect, and the more natural you interact with people, the more natural and flowing your interactions will be.
Keep Your Friends Around!
The more time you spend together, the closer your connection will be. But if you feel the relationship is stagnating, suggest something fun to do. The more friends you have, the more engaging your life will be. Go to new social clubs with your friend and find another group of two or three people that look like they know how to have fun. Worst case scenario, you and your friend leave and crack jokes about the people you just met!
Finding lifelong friends isn’t easy, but it’s sure worth your while! Opening up, communicating your feelings to others, and having fun while doing it is what friendship is all about.
What are you waiting for, get out there!
Go out and do what you already enjoy doing.
When you meet someone cool, hang out with them.
Open up about your thoughts and feelings.
Be interesting by being yourself.
Rinse and Repeat. Keep meeting new people and have fun!
Your ability to find lifelong friends is up to you, and there are over 7 billion people on the planet. Enjoy the ride, and most importantly have fun!
